45 days with James

 James


45 days, well, it always play inside my head. Whether I'm going to send you a series of e-mails regarding on a book that  always comes around during the most devastating days of my life. I honestly admit that i have read this book once, but sad to say that I've never finished it, and didn't even read it as asked by the author. In fact I could still remember the first time I grab the book. I read it without thorough  understanding. Just reading it to feed my curiosity about its content. Well, there are a lot of beautiful words inside, its likely proven to uplift once tormented soul, devastated careers, lost sheep's, black sheep's and anyone who suffers from the wrath of  Babylon. Hmm?, yeah, it may sound strange, but I forgot to mention earlier that I was one of those sheep's who got lost in the dark wilderness, leading to the candle burning pleasure's of Babylon. My Plans got mess, Dad's dream for me to become successful one suddenly burns out. Mom's Visions for his son to become a better man was changed by scenes of fear and confusion. I have honestly regretted some of those things. Yes, some, because I never see the world as single sided one. We do sometimes earn learning's and understanding from the big or little mistakes we've made, yeah, admit it, I know I'm right.


         The first time I heard about this book was during my Junior days in high school. that, if I'm not mistaken 7 years ago. Some of my classmates have read the book and shared a lot of good things about it. All I hear where beautiful appreciations of how great and life changing it was. It is still clear in my mind, I just ignored it, and didn't even bother to inquire more of what it is all about. All I did during those days was to do the things a typical high school student does. And I bet you know what are those things, right?.  Well junior year was also one of the challenging period of my life. I could say that I was in a point where my mind becomes open towards the doors of growing up. Discovering new things, becoming more curios and exited. Restless yet oftentimes confuse about things I have experienced. And those things didn't happen just Once but randomly as days, weeks, months, and year pass until I graduated from high school. Well to make it more clearer, I party rock during my high school days. And that's just the start.Yes it was just the start of getting lost from the herd.


          So much for the high school days,  I was on my freshmen year in college.Yeah!!! new sheep on the ground, fresh meat, ugly ducklings, and new faces for the wolf-pack. It was also during that time that I start to stay away from home, having my own place instead of living in dormitories. Everything was more wilder, much restless, superb new. I got so excited and got my self drown with the freedom that I have. I did a lot of new things that I didn't even expect to pull me down.

What did i do?

1. I drink a lot
2. I didn't do my home work
3. I join a freaking wolf-pack
4. I smoke weed
5. I smoke met
6. I sniff heroin
7. I cheat from everybody
8. i lie
9. I get laid every week
10. and drop out from school

I made a lot of mistakes, but those I mentioned are the gravest things I've done. It didn't stop there. When my parents knew that I drop out from school, I didn't expect the way they reacted. I really thought that they're going to punish me hard. Instead, they gave me another chance to correct everything that went wrong, but guess what?. I still did the same thing, and even do unbelievable things. I enrolled to a new university and got a  new course, but still did the same way.  Even much worst than it was, I go with the flow in a world where happiness is just for while. I Got use to the sudden rush of doing drugs. And this was the second time that I've come face to face with the book that  I've mentioned earlier. This time the book was owned by a friend of mine. while having a good time at his place, I found it inside the box of unused books. I grab it, and think for while. "I know that we have already meet before" I tried to open the book and suddenly got a good feeling to read it. And it's no joke my friend, the words I heard during my junior years were all true, I didn't read it the way the author wanted. I just read it directly, it seems like every word where meant to be, that time was fixed for me to face that book again. I read, and I read, without knowing that my eyes are full of tears, my heart with remorse. I cried even harder when I read a specific line that truly punctured my heart, that was the most  puzzling feeling I felt. Mixed emotion rushes from the deepest part of my heart. For a moment I stayed stone like a statue, and suddenly close the book. I feel fear, anger, hate and even discouragement from what i have did....(silence)


Well my friend James, lets continue our conversation tomorrow. I still have a lot of things to share with you. I'm sorry for tonight, I just felt sad about my story. I promise you to continue our chat from where we ended. I haven't tell you more about the book. And I'm going to tell you the third time I come to face it again. Good day.

                                                                                                                               -mike-